of dreams and holding back

"Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly."
-Langston Hughes

being raised by a couple of parents who both are government servants, i am constantly being pushed to apply for a job in government. and each and every time, i gave excuses, one after another.

being in a job that always have to deal with the government workers, i have bad impression on them. of course not all are that bad, who just go to work for the sake of getting paid, not for the job demand.

i did think one day, what if i work as a government servant? my life would be stable. my parents are not that poor, their lives are ok. in fact, both my elder brothers have applied. what am i waiting for?

something holds me back. i wish i could tell them, but i am afraid that they will not understand, or it may not come true.

i want to be my own boss. i want a career that is far from this accounting world. maybe it's not just a dream.